Learn to Spot The Biggest Manipulation Red Flag of Them All
Psychological manipulation tactics can be difficult to detect, especially when they're subtle.
Normal influence and persuasion turn to manipulation when it lacks transparency includes deceit or seeks to control you.
Here is the biggest red flag that always signals that you've got an untrustworthy person or organization. Don't let them in your life.
There's no shortage of people who want to play you for their own benefit.
Would a police detective try to get you to confess to something you didn't do? Of course. This is a well-documented phenomenon. It is estimated that 29% of wrongful convictions included a false confession.
Would a potential romantic partner want to play you for their own benefit, creating an imbalanced relationship? No doubt. If you know anything about narcissists or related cluster B personality disorders, you know that is what they live for.
The list of manipulators includes businesses, con men, and so many others.
How do we protect ourselves from manipulators? Focus on two things; your vulnerabilities or proclivities to get played and manipulation tactic recognition. That is what we're doing in today's article, helping you see and understand when the mother of all manipulation tactics is being used on you. What is it?
The Biggest Manipulation Red Flag to Watch For
When you see gaslighting when you're trying to resolve an issue, you can't trust the other person. But the red flag is bigger than that in that you need to watch out for ways that people avoid accountability. Let's learn how to spot gaslighting and accountability avoidance in action.
If they can't own their problems and take appropriate accountability for their actions, you cannot trust them, and they shouldn't be in your life.
Accountabilty Avoidance
Accountability avoidance is a red flag you can't ignore. If you see it, it should be the knockout punch that you're dealing with someone who isn't healthy enough to be in your orbit.
Narcissists and other manipulators avoid accountability in two scenarios. Scenario one is in conversations where you're discussing a gap, problem or breakdown. The second scenario is how they remove accountability mechanisms to live unchecked in a real way.
Let's start with the gap or problem conversations. Accountability avoiders throw five things at you.
1. Denial. Problem? There's no problem. What are you talking about?
2. Diminishment. If there is a problem, it's not a big deal.
3. Deflection. This is blame shifting. Sometimes they accuse you to shift the focus from them. Or they blame others. They play the blame at a high level so be prepared to keep bringing the conversation back to the evidence of the problem.
4. Confusion. Here's where they throw useless information at you, often many pages worth, to hide the real issue.
5. Deception. Yes, they lie to your face, make up facts, really anything to create an alternate reality where others are to blame, but they are not.
What I just described is also called gaslighting because it's a tactic that seeks to make you think that up is down, right is left, and that what you're seeing with your eyes isn't reality. Their BS is the alternate reality.
It's wild to experience gaslighting, but the bottom line for this article is, if they can't own their problems and take appropriate accountability for their actions, you cannot trust them, and they shouldn't be in your life.
Let me also mention that accountability avoidance happens when a pastor or church removes the Board of Directors, especially one who diligently followed the money and held the pastor and staff to account for bad behavior.
This type of systemic accountability avoidance happens in countries where a dictator no longer allows free and fair elections or removes honest journalists for their criticisms. I realize that true believers are so deep in loyalty that they allow toxic leaders to do this, but that's another article.
When accountability is being avoided in conversation or systemically, you must avoid them at all costs.
Quinn Price
Quinn is an Executive Coach and change expert who has worked with dozens of large companies, including Microsoft, Nike, Lockheed, Thiokol, PGE, Deloitte, and many others. He is interested in helping people regain their vitality after a setback, heal after manipulation, create high-performing teams, and implement cultural change that realizes measurable benefits.
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The Change Capability Institute exists to help people and organizations change faster. We focus on change education in the areas of creating vitality after setbacks, developing high-performance teams, and accelerating organizational change (especially culture change).
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